Modeling behaviors: a powerful tool in educating children.

Children are born with very limited survival skills, and one of their greatest tools is observation. How often do we find ourselves making silly faces or sounds at our children, only for them to do it right back—mimicking our behavior?

But have you ever stopped to think that this might be more impactful than we realize?

I invite you to take a moment and reflect on the ways your child imitates you and your behavior. Do they thrive because they see confident, calm, and emotionally aware adults leading them? Or do they struggle because they’ve learned that when emotions run high, the response is yelling, stomping feet, or isolating?

So, at what age do children begin to observe and imitate those around them?

The article “The Development of Imitation in Infancy” states:

“In 1977, Meltzoff & Moore reported evidence that two- to three-week-old infants had imitated the behaviours of an adult model.” (Jones, 2009)

Did you know this? Probably not—and that’s okay. We’re often taught that babies “don’t think,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Susan S. Jones also explains:

“The young child's ability to imitate the actions of others is an important mechanism for social learning—that is, for acquiring new knowledge. The child's ability to imitate is also important for what it tells us about the knowledge that the child already has.”

If anything, this should make us pause before acting in front of our very observant children.

If you’re past the early developmental years, don’t worry—it’s never too late to correct ourselves and model new behaviors. Remember, for your child, you are their first example of how to navigate the world. It’s up to us to model behaviors we find acceptable and aligned with our values.

For example, a very common situation: you drop something and make a mess. The first word out of your mouth is sh*t, f*ck, or another curse word of your choice. You become dysregulated and upset. Your child is in the living room playing, so you assume they don’t hear you.

But they do.

Later, your child drops something and copies your reaction. You’re shocked—but also a little amused—because it’s this tiny human acting like an adult. Without realizing it, the behavior is being enabled and encouraged.

Now fast forward to the teenage years. Your child becomes reactive and “talks back” constantly, and you find yourself wondering how it all started. I’m sorry to say—it started a long time ago. Because the behavior was once seen as funny or harmless, it was adopted as an appropriate response.

So what can you do?

You start with yourself.

When you correct your own reactions, correcting your child’s behavior becomes easier—because you’re modeling what you expect. We all make mistakes, but recognizing them and repairing them leads to healthier emotional development.

Going back to our example: if you still react strongly but notice your child is present, take a moment to correct yourself. Apologize. Explain that your initial reaction came from a place of frustration, but after pausing, you realized it wasn’t the best response.

Correction in the moment is key.

As adults, we make mistakes too—and we should apologize to our children when we react in ways we’re not proud of. That, in itself, is powerful modeling.

Will modeling positive behaviors completely solve your child’s behavior?

Honestly—no. It won’t be the solution to everything. However, it will help your child learn, over time, more appropriate ways to respond and regulate their emotions.

The best way to teach is to lead by example. Be patient. Be kind. And give yourself grace.

Parenting is not easy—but it can be enjoyable. If you’re experiencing a difficult season in parenting, know that you’re not alone.

I’m here to help. Consultations available.

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Source:Jones, S. S. (2009). The development of imitation in infancy. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 364(1528), 2325–2335.